Making memories
Saturday, March 13th 2010 – Today I saw my family again. They were all dressed in black and looked very sad. I don’t understand because I was very happy to see them. Oma gave me a cute little yellow hat that she knitted for me. It goes well with my pajamas- white with little yellow ducks – this color coordinating would make my Daddy very proud, I bet!
I remember the scent of fresh flowers: lilies, roses, gerbera daisies and many other flowers I cannot name. Oma and Mommy read the cards that came with the flowers….Many of them made my Mommy cry.
All of a sudden I was alone again with my teddy bear, my blankey and a picture of my parents. I was not scared. I felt at peace.
Daddy had written a letter, especially for me. He read it out loud so everybody could hear. It was beautiful. I wish he could have read more books to me. I wish we could have done all the fun things we talked about. But our time together was cut short.
I’m happy I got the chance to meet my parents, who loved me more than anything in the world. I’m happy I got the chance to meet my grandparents, 2 of my aunties, friends and the wonderful doctors and nurses at the NICU.
Mommy and Daddy – Thank you for giving me life.
Family – Thank you for giving me love.
Doctors and nurses – Thank you for your loving care and expertise, which made it possible for me to spend 22 beautiful days with my family. Thanks to you memories were made and things that were hard to bear are sweet to remember.
But one day I will see you again.
Love always,
Noah
We would like to thank everyone for reading and commenting on Noah’s story. We wish his story would have had a different – happier – ending, but the truth is that it doesn’t have to end here. We hope that his life story will inspire you to enjoy the little things in life for one day you will look back and realize they were the big things.
Tony & Lizzy Dobbins
Proud parents of Noah
Daddy & Me
Mommy & Me
Week 3 – Farewell
Where do I start? There are so many things I need to explain. It has been quite a busy week for me and my family…a tough week as well.
Since my last post on Feb 27th, there have been a lot of ups and downs. The roller coaster went faster and faster. My kidneys started to fail and the doctors gave me medication to pee pee, several antibiotics to fight off all of the infections I may or may not have had (NEC, Sepsis, fungal infection, … ), blood pressure meds (I was up to 3 different ones at one point), …
They kept me sedated and a pain killer drip made sure I was not in too much pain. Mommy, Daddy and Oma (grandma from Belgium) thought I was too ‘out of it’ to realize they were even there. But I knew. I even opened my eyes several times to see if it was really them. They were there a lot and I loved it. When it was storytelling time, I especially made sure I paid attention. Oma had brought a fun book about diapers and poop that Mommy read to me. It was supposed to be an inspirational story, she said. One that would make me pee.
Daddy got really good at reading books, I have to say. He even did different voices for the three bears in the Goldilocks story. That was really funny. If I would not have been on the ventilator (remember the big tube?) I would have laughed my little behind off.
But the pee pee did not come….until Monday. I never would have thought people would get so excited over me peeing. Since they liked it, I figured I would pee some more….on Mommy’s hand! She was not mad, she just laughed.
Then came Tuesday and the pee pee had stopped again. I started to swell up again (no more laying on my belly, which I loved so much). Days went by without any change, without pee pee, which really made the doctors scratch their heads. Mommy read the diaper book again yesterday and yes, overnight I was finally able to pee just about 3cc. Once again, my family seemed so proud of me.
All of a sudden today, I got really tired. My heart was not beating as fast anymore. I heard a lot of commotion at my bedside, but I was too tired to open my eyes. A little while later, I heard Mommy and Daddy’s voices from a distance. I was happy they were there. They spoke briefly to Dr. Felix and were led to the quiet room with Oma, while I lay in my bed with the nurses near me.
When they came back, Mommy and Daddy held me in their arms as I was breathing my last breath. I wish things would have turned out different, but sometimes things don’t go as planned. I am grateful for having met my wonderful family and friends – even the ones that I have only met through my blog. Thank you for your uplifting words, warm thoughts and sincere prayers. Thank you for being there for me and for my family. Your kindness will never be forgotten.
Love always,
Noah
02/23/2010
Week 2 – Roller Coaster
Yesterday was the day to celebrate my 26 weeks (gestational age or the age of the baby in the womb) or my 2 week birthday. But we had so much going on we did not get to celebrate as planned. Yesterday morning, I had more apnea spells than usual – They caused me to stop breathing and since I could not correct them myself they put me back on the ventilator. Even though I don’t like the big tube in my throat, I am happy that my lungs finally get some rest. Daddy said he was proud of me for fighting for 2 weeks straight and that I exhausted myself a little bit by doing that. I just wanted to show everybody what I could do, but he’s right….I am a little tired now.
The doctors also noticed that I have an infection in my intestines. The difficult name for it is Necrotizing Enterocolitis or NEC. It causes the lining of the intestines to become infected and die. The doctors prescribed some antibiotics to cure the NEC. Hopefully, they’ll kick in soon, because I’m not getting any milk until I’m better and I’m really craving some!
I’m also getting some antibiotics for an infection they believe I have in my blood. The nurses have been really busy taking care of me yesterday and today.
Because of the infections, my kidneys are not working well and I have not been able to pee since last night or so. The doctors explained that the kidneys are supposed to remove unnecessary potassium in the body, but when they are not doing their job, the Potassium is building up. High levels of Potassium are very dangerous, even fatal. When the doctor told Mommy the news, she cried. Luckily, Oma from Belgium was there to comfort her. I knew I had to work a little harder, so Mommy does not cry again. My potassium level did drop a little bit, I heard the doctor tell Mommy and Daddy before they left, but still no pee pee. I’m still working on that….Life in NICU is really like a roller coaster. You win some, you lose some, they say….But I like winning, so I’ll keep on fighting, I promise!
The doctors gave us a lot of information in the past few days and I’m just trying to remember all of it. The hole in my heart valve (PDA – patent ductus arteriosis) had opened up again, but this morning the Tech that did the chest x-ray thought it had closed again. That’s that good medication again, I guess. Hopefully, it will stay closed this time so my blood can circulate the way it should.
Dr. Joe and the nurses also check the gases in my blood. Yesterday, I was holding in too much carbondioxide, which of course is not healthy. Today, tests showed that the gases in my blood have improved.
Most of the day, they kept me sedated so I would calm down while they drew blood (this made my right eye very wet….I think Oma called it a ‘traan’ – a ‘tear’), checked my glucose level and tried several times to put in an arterial line (but after a little while the doctors gave up because they had been poking me for so long they feared they would damage my arteries. Don’t worry, they’ll try again soon, I think.)
I did not see Mommy tonight. Daddy said she was not feeling well. She didn’t want to make me any sicker, so she stayed at home with Oma. It’s ok. I understand. She was here all day with Oma. I like spending time with Daddy. He always talks to me and reads me these great stories. I like looking at him when he talks. I want to grow up to be just like him. Tomorrow, I’ll see them all again. I might even see Granny and my aunties from Orange Park. Hopefully, I’ll feel a little better so I can entertain them a little.
My special doctor, Dr. Sharma, had to go to another hospital to help out over there for a little while. After a few months there, she’ll go to the next hospital. It seems that everybody likes Dr. Sharma because everybody wants to have her around. But I still like her the most and I already miss her. She was my doctor friend.
My neighbor Lavonne (# 9) went home with her Mommy Alfie today. They both looked very happy. It’ll still be a little while before I can go to my home, but that day will come without a doubt.
‘The human body experiences a powerful gravitational pull in the direction of hope. That is why the patient’s hopes are the physician’s secret weapon. They are the hidden ingredients in any prescription.’
- Norman Cousins -
Week 1
Thursday was a pretty special day for me. It was the day I turned 1. One week, that is! Every Thursday, Mommy and Daddy want to celebrate another week, another milestone. Next week, they want to do so by baking cookies for all the nurses and doctors at NICU. It’s a crazy idea if you ask me, but they seem to be serious about it. Special arrangements for a special baby, Mommy says.
My milestones this week:
Well, the most important one is that I am now breathing on my own. Since I’m off the ventilator, you can actually hear me cry when I’m not happy. But I still don’t understand why Mommy, Daddy and Grandpa smile every time I cry…I guess they have their reasons.
Last night, nurse Katrina said I was doing very well breathing on my own. I’m now on a treatment called Continuous Positive Airway Pressure (CPAP). The nasal prongs give me a constant flow of oxygen to help me breathe easier. Even though the nasal prongs are much better than the tube down my throat, they still bother me a lot. I tried to rip them off, but the nurses are smart enough to use a lot of tape. I still manage to pull the feeding tube out though! Also, I was diagnosed with a hole in my heart valve – an issue many of my fellow preemies run into – but thanks to the wonderful medication they have been giving me the hole has now closed! That’s one less thing to worry about. Of course, it can’t all be good news…The nurses are closely watching my blood sugar since it tends to go up and down every day. That’s another weakness preemies have to overcome. Dr. Sharma also discovered a minor bleeding in my brain. She will do another brain scan in about 4 weeks to see if it has healed itself or not. I like Dr. Sharma. They say I’m her special patient.
Well, everybody, it’s about time to get some more shut eye. Preemies like me sleep as much as 15 to 22 hours a day. Lights, noise, rubbing and smell stress me out so most of the time I’m too exhausted to talk to my family. It’s pretty tough being a preemie!
02.20.2010
Hello world!
Number 8 ‘The Little One’ – That’s what the visitors at NICU (Neonatal Intensive Care Unit) call me. My real name is Noah Antonio Laurent Dobbins. Mommy says I’m named after some pretty amazing people: the biblical figure that survived the flood, my hero Daddy and my great grandpa from Belgium, all known for their endurance, optimism and will to live, so the name fits me well.
02.15.2010
I was born on February 11th 2010 at 9.55am at only 24 weeks, which is really early, I know, but my Mommy kept telling me about the beautiful things in life and the amazing people around her and Daddy was always munching on something yummy, so I just had to come see for myself!
At 535 grams I may be really skinny, but I’m getting stronger every day. Daddy believes I’ll be as big as Kimbo (Slice) one day. I don’t know who that is, but if daddy thinks that is a good thing, then I’ll believe him. Two days after I was born, nurse Beverly let Mommy change my diaper for the first time. I think she was a little nervous, because her hands were kind of shaky. She did well though. Good job, Mommy!
When Daddy is with me he likes to talk about all the great activities we’re going to do when I get older and he always says encouraging things to me that make me stronger each day. I really like it when he sings to me. My Daddy, my grandparents and aunties here in Jacksonville speak English, but Mommy speaks Dutch to me most of the time. I guess I’ll be learning both so I can talk to my family here in Jacksonville and my family in Belgium with no problems! Even though nurse Beverly, nurse Amber, nurse Margaret and Dr. Sharma here at Shands are very nice, I can’t wait to go home and start my life outside of the hospital. That is still a little while away so until then I will keep everybody posted on life at NICU through this blog. Feel free to leave me any comments. Mommy and Daddy will read them to me when they come to see me. My name is Noah and this is my story.
